The Awkward Things You Do That Seem Totally Normal

*Inviting my child to the bathroom so I can poop, because it's ten times easier than trying to concentrate over hysterical crying and bathroom doors being busted down.

*Feeding my child food that has already been somewhat chewed on by me. 

* Being fed food that has been thoroughly chewed up and sucked on by my child.

*Letting him tweak my other nipple while he nurses because it beats him trying to steal mine phone.

*Letting him play with his weenie so I  can have an extra 30 seconds to grab a new diaper.

*Laying with him and pretending I'm  asleep when he wakes up...hoping he will go back to sleep.

* Forget that I'm  video blogging and burp, fart, and pick my wedgie. "Well this video is trashed!"

*Ask  my child "What does the cow say" 157 times in a day....I bet he concerned about how forgetful I am. "WOMAN! How do you still not know what the damn cow says!?!?!"

*Letting my child practice brushing his teeth with my toothbrush, while Im in the shower, and he starts scrubbing the walls with it.

*Coaching him while he poops and holding his hand.

*Reading "At the Zoo With Teddy" while I'm pooping.

*Playing Peekaboo .....While I'm pooping

*Making every single thing a game so he will engage.

*Having one boob three times the size of the other because I fell asleep while he was  nursing.

*Dropping my phone on his face....

*Referring to him as an "it" and not blinking an eye.

So there ya have it. There are probably a million more and maybe I'll add more at a later time. I know for a fact that I am not alone on ANY of these. What's your awkward moment?

My Wandering Mind VS Reality

Little Man and I went to the park the other evening. When I pulled up I was pleased to find that there was only one family at the toddler area. I wanted Little Man to have some good run around time without the threat of a bunch of bigger kids plowing over him, because, frankly, he plows himself over enough as it is. As I am sitting on the swings, swaying back and forth watching the other family, I start to notice some things. First off they were happy. It was a family of 4. Two little boys and a set of an adults. The man and woman seemed very happy and content together. They were giggling and playing with the two little boys, they played chase around the field, they even had an impromptu water fight with the fountain. The man would run up behind the woman, wrap his arms around her, lift her up and swing her around, her giggles and screams filled the air with robust laughter, you could feel and hear her love. Sigh. Here I am I sitting on a swing alone watching my 1 year old surf in the gravel. I'm not really into self pity, but it was like these guys were filming a Hallmark movie. Is this real? What made that woman different than I?
I, then became very aware that I was probably staring too hard at them and  (even worse) I think I may have been glaring. I wiped the look off my face and decided that my time would come and if it didn't well, screw it, I'll be fine.
Little Man and I finished our play at the park and just as we were leaving the Hallmark family was gathering their things. Then something happened that I didn't expect.....but should have. The woman and the two kids got into their modest (but seen better days ) minivan and the guy jumped into his nice, brand new truck, but not before kissing her and shutting her into the drivers seat of the van. Then they left in opposite directions.

In opposite directions....hmmmm.

Could it be that not so long ago she ....was me? That this love and fun time was the budding of a ~new~ relationship. All of a sudden, I started to not feel like the "odd" one. I was, infact, the normal one. I all of a sudden found an appreciation for her even if I had her situation all wrong, maybe the guy needed to go back to work? Or go to the store? Or go home to his real wife? How could I know?! Wrong or right, it gave me strength.  It gave me some reassurance that it's ok to be me. It's ok to be a single mom and pour all of my heart and soul into one 2 foot high, bald man. I know that's the right thing to do. It's just not always the easiest and by now I know that easy usually means I cut a corner. "No cutting corners this time, girl." I said to myself. I then loaded my dirty,  pudgey, smiling, red eyed, tired little boy up in his car seat and we stopped at the grocery store and bought doughnuts....because while we are focusing on just the two of us, we are going to eat doughnuts and laugh at ourselves.

The Threshold

Men are good at many things. Men know the power of threshold.

Let's just take a second and allow that sentence to soak in.

There have been times I have had to remind myself this sentence, but that's another topic. Anyway, I have always been puzzled that men have this instinctive way of knowing if something is big enough, small enough, weighs enough, gives out enough, takes in enough, has enough room, needs more...and I am not talking about sex. Sheesh. I am talking about like towing things, or pulling things, or building things. They can just look at something and throw out spectacular words like "torque, RPMs, fuel injection" whatever the hell any of these words really mean is beyond me (I'm not a dude!). I have always thought that they knew these things because,maybe, they worked around them all the time or studied them...but I've seen really stupid men walk into a situation, take one look at whatever Is loaded on whatever trailer, being pulled by whatever vehicle, and say " it won't pull it, Bob, it's not got enough *insert spectacular word*, and (shit you not) it would be right.
I never questioned how they knew these  things and I never questioned how little I knew about it...until I tried to write this post.....because I am aware that I sound really dumb right now, but my point will be valid, promise.
It turns out that men don't have to study these things, they don't have to work with them everyday, they don't have to do anything really...they just know. Want to know how? It starts real young.

About a month ago, Little Man discovered his penis. Good times. He used to stretch, flip, and crawl away during diaper changes but now he curls up like a Rollie Pollie to talk to his new found friend. I like that I don't have to chase him around, but getting his body unhinged can be a struggle. One day he had just gotten out of the bath and was laying on the bed on a towel....having a conversation with his new friend and I guess he got the bright idea that he wanted to look at it, so with that thought in mind he got a good hold of it and started to try to bring it up to his face. It didn't take but maybe one second before his stretching made his eyes bug out of his head and he quickly released his new friend, brought his hands up to his chest, and let out a big sigh.
Bam! His world was changed.

That's how all men know the power of threshold.